Today I heard the instruction- to study the tests in the wilderness next. To Exodus I go. Psalm 78 gripped me today. The sudden angle of God, that he knew they would be thirsty, he knew they could last three days, and he did not provide is highlighted. Why? My sense is that if he had provided they never would have seen the place in their heart that did not yet trust. Psalm 78 says God was upset before the quail…he had heard their doubt and unbelief- that makes me wonder- about life before the fall –and the absence of unbelief. Before doubt crept in. God is reconciling us back to that relationship. It is always on his mind.

I heard a man named Steve Carter say today, that wilderness is, about going into the unknown, alone, with Father. Truly my wilderness is that.

As I experience what is going on with my family, and with my friends, I am so aware of the different shapes the wilderness takes for each of us. My own has been to face what I did not have the courage to face- dying to myself and allowing Father to show me what is not reconcilable in my heart- so that I may know a different level of reconciliation with him. Intense. Deep. Hard to articulate and sometimes best expressed by tears. I am so grateful for friends who companion me through this desert. I am so grateful for Father choosing to lead me here.

I heard today that in the day of Moses, striking a staff was symbolic of entering a court room. I think of yesterday, the staffs in the room, and the corporate intercession that opened a heavenly appeal for us. I think of the soldier running the stick into the body of Jesus, and I know that resembled the appeal that Jesus’ life became on my behalf. Surely nothing is too hard for my God! My hope rests, and finds life, that he will do what he knows is best for me. It may not seem like he is answering my perceived need, but only if there is a reason- such as- my heart needing to be revealed and my lack of trust needing to be acknowledged.

All of his ways are good. And under his wing I rest. As the wilderness I explore. And become who he died for me to be able to be. Selah.