I had a ring that I loved. It had broken, the gem had fallen out of the setting. I had put it away in a box, for the day that had time to include its repair. I lost the box.

There has been a prompting, a nudge from Yah, to find it. I have looked. Seven possible places yielded seven different disappointments.

I am not sure if it is the Hebrew that was learned through Suuqiina’s teaching, or if it is because my best friend is moving, or if it is just a different type of freedom I am experiencing this spring. But the way Yahweh comes is changing.

I was at the gym yesterday, on the treadmill. My headphones were in and on. The song lyrics were-

Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head

And he comes. He rests. I feel him placing his heavy covering over me. I am pretty sure they gym is changing because he is there.

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

And nothing has changed. But everything has changed. I always forget, when he has not come this way for awhile, how glorious and majestic and BIG he is! And I invite him into all times this way. I weep with his crashing over me. Surely I am in over my head. And surely I am farther from the shore than I have ever been. And there are experiences that are coming and I am utterly dependent on his keeping me because they are bigger than my discernment. But he is love. And he loves me so.

And of course, when I got home, he waited. Until I was in my office, seated and beginning a set of tasks. And ever so gently he said about the ring- have you looked in this drawer under this book.

His gentleness does not come as a response to my disappointments. But my disappointments are always changed by his response.

The ring is found. I am lost, over my head again. The knowledge that he knows, intimately, all the details of my life, make it safe for me to be so.

another song comes to mind- Long have I desired to be the place where you will dwell. Here oh Lord, have I prepared, a resting place. Here oh Lord, I wait for you alone.