I had been reading Numbers 19. I still have two windows open around me. One is of me at 14 with the biker on the property passing by the pile of white, sun leached bones. The other is also 14, at the shore of the water near the woods, before the pregnant woman who clung to the rock died. I am not sure why they are open as unmoving pictures. God has not left me nor is he displeased, so I assume he will move them into movies when the time is perfect, or nudge me if there is something I am supposed to do.

To my left, in the air slightly higher than my head, the red heifer appeared yesterday. I was in a local church. Worship was going on. And here is the heifer.

I know Jesus, as my my high priest, became the sacrifice once and for all. I also know that sometimes the Lord uses the old to teach me the new. Nothing is too far fetched for him. If he knows I need to see a heifer sacrifice for me to believe I am clean from touching the dead, he will totally do that and then lead me to the cross to need only him. He always surprises me. So when I see this heifer I start dialoging with the Lord. Is this for my unclean? No resonance. Is this a symbol I need to pray for this community I am worshiping with? Do they need priestly intercession for being unclean? No resonance. It occurred to me that the heifer was alive. And suddenly I knew. The heifer had been one that was sacrificed for the unclean. In the fire, the cedar, hyssop and scarlet had combined, and its action of dying, without free will, transformed it. This heifer now stood in heaven remembering with great accuracy what it feels like to be the lamb who was slain. The testimony of Jesus was stamped upon it. It will always serve to remind.

I pondered the depth of that. Each of us that are saved surely carry his imprint in some way. It is not what we understand that matters when we get there, but the imprint of Him that we carry- that matters.

And the worship paused, and communion began. And there was Jesus above me near the speaker, speaking. The prayer to remember his suffering and death made him sigh. So much of communion is seen through the eyes of the law and what was legally done, he said. But as the heifer is alive and now carries my stamp in heaven, so too, do you. So much of sacrifice is seen through the eyes of the law, and what was done. See higher, he urged me. See eternity. See what CAN be. See what was done, yes, and do not forget. But see, also what can and should occur, because I LIVE! Because I am alive in you, all that was available to me through my Father I now give to you. Communion is about continuing in that vein.

I call you as a priest from a family of priests, to pray this way for the people. To pray this way for my bride.

I am sidetracked for a minute. Doesn’t this negate you being once and forever high priest?

Only at the points and times when you are not in alignment, he replied. The law meets the need until the grace comes to supersede the law. It has always been so.

And I see, suddenly, more than the red heifer. A new understanding is birthed within me that lacks verbal expression, yet, I know I am not the same as I was before he came.

May it ever be so, Lord. Grant me your grace, and your eyes to see. selah.

The timing of God is so good in my life.

The way he links things together and connects my dots is so extraordinary. Recently on a trip related to family he met me on the ninth of Av in a way that was so jewish.

He arranged some reconciliation moments with friends by placing me within 45 minutes of where they now live.

He worked me through the remaining hurts in my heart before I left so that I could have the perspective of seeing them as a part of the Bride.

And then he helped my heart stay present and appreciate all he has done in me the last five years.

He arranged for me to receive an invitation from a ministry in my past, so that he could weave in me a story of his history in me.

He had land work for me to do in the cemetery of a town in the area.

And he helped me see that seeing someone as part of the Bride frees me up to allow them to be them while I remain me; He has brought me so far.

And when I was able to take with me on this family trip the first of the baby books to be given away-to the child it was prepared for, as she reached a milestone in her life, and I went through the process of releasing strings I had held for 24 years, I realized, he truly does make everything beautiful in its time.

I was able to do things this week for my daughter that my mom was unable to do for me.

The joy of the Lord was present in hilarity.

We went through hard stuff too, staying our true hearts with each other.

Attunement is a skill he has developed in me, and I give him all the glory for this. I am actually stunned by how much he has done.

And when it was done, the time was over, he sought time with me, in a private place, where he speaks to me through the surrounding hills. He prepared an out of the way place, well off the beaten path that was clean and holy. So that he could awaken me in the middle of the night with his voice. So that we could arise in the town that bore his name in the passage of his word he had ordained for me that day.

I don’t rise or fall on the opinions of others anymore. I don’t rise or fall based on how things external to me are going. Every moment is a gift to find him. The more I use my moments to find him in them, the more sacred my moments become.

Its a wonderful life- is such an inadequate way to describe this current season.

The English language lacks in its ability to express me, more and more. Perhaps that is why I am learning Hebrew. He makes everything beautiful in its time.