My husband and I have been clearing some of the land we steward for a building. For me this has been tough. A couple of trees that I love need to be felled for a building which I don’t love. Removing vines from the forest this year has been a task I have turned from, a result of the condition of my heart. Adjusting my heart to lean into this project with my husband, and to approach this with hope and looking for God, has been hard. Reaching for the fruit of the Spirit is far different than having it organically spring forth from the sweetened soil of the heart where it has grown!

The Lord knows my heart. He knows me. He created a day for alignment.

The day was yesterday. My husband took the day off work. he got busy early on the property, using a skidster to move and clear things. Kind man that he is, he saved 25 maples from sudden death and set them against the trailer, waiting for me to get some pots for a temporary home as we consider where they would best grow.

That softened my heart.

Then I went out to speak to the trees themselves. I have been dreading this conversation. I am sorry, my friends but you have to die so something else can occupy your space. How do I have that conversation when my heart is not yet in alignment with my husband? How do I not allow for bitterness to root or anger to simmer, knowing that places where I feel powerless are a trigger for me?

God had the trees initiate.

They began by talking to me about forever.

The continued with their stories, of what they had seen, what they had been allowed to witness. They rehearsed the glory of their past, with the hope of their future. They were so pleased with my husband stewarding the maples. They stood. They have stood long. Yielding to those who have been transformed by love, in the right time, is their highest honor. Their greatest bow. They talked about transition, and the passing of one thing for another. They see the beauty of God in change, as their lot has been to remain and stand, until they no longer do.

I wept. I realized that my spirit had already been communicating to them. Their role was not to receive doom and gloom from me, but to comfort me with the knowledge of God in all things.

I am so humbled. My grudge with my husband is no more. For the first time this year I worked along side him in the woods. He felt the shift and came alongside me to help me dig out a root of a vine that threatens trees’ health on this land. When we work together, the air hums with the covenant of love between us. I told him I cannot steward this land without him, and instantly realized that was where my heart was out of whack. I resented needing him when he was doing something different than what I wanted. Oy.

The alignment has come. The land rests within it. The trees are steadfast until they are not. And while there is sadness, there is growth, and hope, and change’s anticipation.

I know that some of my friends will not get this. I will have to help them see God in it all. But now I can. Because I do. Surely he makes everything beautiful in its time. Selah.