I have asked the Lord many questions over the years, since He has grown me in relationship to Himself.

He never minds me asking. He knows which answers I am ready to receive. He knows which answers I cannot yet comprehend. He knows what is in my heart when I ask.

Sometimes, what is in my heart is a demand to know. He knows those are the unyielded parts of the garden of my heart. How else will this territory be discovered unless I ask? Because how I respond to the answer is His method for developing intimacy.

As a healer, I hate to see people get hurt. There was one particular person, a number of years ago, that got hurt when I felt they were my responsibility. Not only did they get hurt, but I did not even know they had gotten hurt. The guilt that I felt was hard to hand over to the cross, where guilt absolves. I kept myself on my own hook, for years. I knew the cross was ‘enough’ to forgive me, but somehow I could not ‘let it go’.

Recently the Lord initiated a conversation with me about it.

“you felt like you didn’t keep him safe”

I didn’t, was my response.

“did I keep you safe?”

I contended that his definition of safety was different than mine. I remembered his wisdom in Matthew 10: 27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.…

I argued that his definition of safety was investing in me so that I might live with Him in eternity.

“oh” pause “what if we applied that definition of safety in this situation?”

I thought about that. I have been thinking about that. In this person’s life, I did sow heavily towards truth that made the bridge into eternal life. He brought to mind moments, experiences and teachings. he reminded me of illustrations and teaching and exhortation I had done. His question back to me, if I did indeed keep them safe according to his definition, feels like a nugget I need to examine from many angles. If this is how He sees it…

How many of the places I have carried guilt or shame is because I have not understood the perspective, definitions and currency of heaven?

I am challenged to be larger than my limited human perspective, again. Because when my questions are asked, but not as a demand, I hear and respond differently to his answers.