For some, this is a lovely day, full of rich celebration. For some, the day is dreaded and there is pain attached. For others, it is a day to pretend and feel hollow. For many, there is mourning and loss that come with the day. I remember the year the Lord changed it for me.

Exodus 20:12 says ‘Honour thy father and thy mother, so that thy days are prolonged on the ground which Jehovah thy God is giving to thee.

To me this is a sacred text that is true and by which I try to live. My family of origin made it complicated to fulfill this mandate for blessing. Every time Mother’s Day rolled around, I would go to the store. I would stand in the card section, and I would read through card after card after card. At some point I would end up crying. None of the contents felt true. It felt like I was compromising my authenticity by choosing one. But it was the rule of the family, no matter how any of us felt. Mom gets a card. And I hoped it was an acceptable way of honoring her. But it always felt like something lesser.

When the memories started coming it got harder. My ‘try’ continued to cause conflict internally. But better to wrestle internally than risk offending mom. Mom made people pay.

I remember the day the Lord changed it for me.

I walked into my spiritual community’s Sunday gathering. It was Mother’s day. The Lord spoke as I entered the room.

“I have heard your groaning, daughter. I know your desire to honor your mom. Today I will give you a way. If you will take the life that she participated in, by carrying you and by birthing you, and you will use this life to run hard after me, if you will pursue my ways all the days of your life, with your best understanding and your honest effort, and if your mom chooses me as her eternal home, you will have fulfilled this commandment and she will know how you have honored her as she lives on in me. You will have honored her by honoring the life she participated in bring forth. “

And then, I was free. I felt something man-made leave. In its place I felt the liberty of the Lord, and the joy of following his truths and consequently enjoying his blessings. It landed as a easy yoke and light burden upon me.

Even the next time Mother’s Day rolled around, the card buying experience changed. I could now buy a card based on what I had desired to have with my mom. This was not to live in non reality. And it was not to expect any kind of different response in my mom. But it was for me to be ok with what my heart craved, and for me to release my mom to be who she desired to be, simultaneously.

I will use this life to run hard after my king. And in doing so, I honor you mom, because without your carrying and birth of me, this would not have been possible.

Selah. If today you hear his voice, harden not your heart.