You have made your choice.

And now you are bombarded. You experience sensory overload. You can no longer shut it down as you have in the past. It is like the barrier you had on earth has been ripped away. Violently. What you used to be able to deflect or ignore- it is as though those abilities have been removed from you. There is (willing or unwilling) an openness to the environment, to the sights and sounds, to the smells. It cannot be blocked. It‟s reality is stronger than your ability to sort. The functions of your brain, that were able to separate through the 6 billion bytes a second and determine what was important, are not sophisticated enough for this place. 

Imagine the worst horror you have ever known. Go ahead. Let‟s be real. If you are reading this, you want to know what it is like. So take a minute. Let it come. Remember how words were inadequate. Remember the inability to articulate to another human being what had gripped your soul. Remember the inescapable feelings. Remember the powerlessness. And the attempt of your brain to reconcile what you saw, felt, heard as part of your reality.  Remember the brain‟s assessment of it being impossible, how it felt to try to turn inward. To do anything to give anything, for it to not be so. The feeling of irreversible change that can never be denied. 

Magnify it. To a larger number than man‟s number system can comprehend. And make it last forever. Continually, forever, getting worse. You may have a taste.

Your mouth will feel like it is on fire there, although there is no visible evidence of flames. There is a constant accompaniment of ash that cannot be removed. It is acid like, even when you have your mouth closed. Your worst dental experience has just begun. There is an erosion beginning. You can feel it. Little grits of what feels like sand are forming in your mouth. Your teeth have begun to erode. It is like the decay that your body would have naturally experienced once your life had ended. It is important for you to know you must decrease. You could not receive it while on earth. You will receive it here. Because you did  not exercise your will to align with truth during the time you were given free will, you have forfeited the right. You never were big enough, were you, to think that because you did not acknowledge God, he did not exist? His mercy for you is that you will align before you are no longer you. You can try to get the taste out of your mouth. It is sort of like being made to eat something that is incredibly awful only you had no choice and it cannot be removed. You will find, there, after trying a few times to get this out of your mouth, that it is much better to keep your mouth closed than opened there. 

Your nose is assaulted in a way that seems larger than your experiences on earth.

Remember how it was connected to your taste on earth? That remains but more is added. The sticky sweet smell of death overrides all. And there is, on top of that, filth and perversion. And then, you realize that while on earth the things you were drawn to or away from, they all had a smell but it was not physical. You can smell spiritual smells there. Hate has a smell. It assaults your sense of smell. You must smell it. You cannot turn away. I guess if your hands are free (mine were not) you might try to cover your nose but it would not matter. Smells are evidence there. They exist to torment you.

Stench, garbage, mold, evil, all the smells you ran from are no longer possible to avoid.

Those things that gave you temporary satisfaction while you were on earth are there too. Only now they are revealed as the elements of idolatry and the smell that you used to enjoy is now allowed to pummel you, become a part of you, and change, rearrange you. It is funny how the smell that initially drew you can now be your torment. Perhaps it was before, you had a choice. And now it has ownership in part of you. Did you know when you chose it that you were giving away your choice? It probably wasn‟t the first choice. Or the second. But choice after choice, hardening your heart like fat hardens the arteries in your blood. 

It is hard to explain how things work there. Let me appeal to your understanding of connections here on earth. Take a cup of coffee. You add cream to it. Maybe sugar. They become a part of your drink. Or imagine the best sex you have ever had. It is the ultimate expression of union that you have sought all your life in sexual encounter. That moment of simultaneous climax with your partner, when for a fragment outside of time, you are truly one. All your best, and all their best merge together in a symphony that exults in the truth that there is more. Consider the richest relationship you have known. The feelings of connection that brighten your heart. The  moments of joy even when you are apart, to feel connected on a higher plane. Or think of how when you eat food. It gets absorbed by your body, loses its integrity to become one with you. Now imagine that this can work in the opposite of good. And that you will have no defense of this happening there. Everything

you taste, or say, or smell, or see, or hear, it all joins you. There is a constant swirl of changing ever changing composition decomposing. Your scream becomes another‟s torment. And vice versa. Theirs become yours. Incomprehension becoming comprehension refusing again to comprehend. No way out.  Merging. With free will gone. And in an absence of love. This is hell.

You hate your eyes. You wish you could rip them out. You no longer want the gift you see stuff. The images your eyes capture are burned into your soul. Layer upon layer of images, things you cannot sort through, things you wish you had never seen. Things you cannot erase. Things that do not fix in the box of possible while you were here on earth. You see a limb ripped off. You see the agonized expression of the body. And the limb reattaches, only to rip again. You may see past the outside of someone‟s body. You may see through their skin which is deteriorating and becoming translucent. You may see their organs and you may see the worms inside them, causing great pain by feeding on the essence of who they are. You might see the demons, crazy with blood lust, nibbling on their outsides, wanting to create the deepest pain possible for the longest period of time. Your eyes try to look away. You close them. Only, you can still see. You open them and see images upon images, some things coming into focus and appearing closer until you are tormented and then receding so something else can come close. Because you too are the object of torment. And every sense is a possibility for beings who know only hate and chaos. You are in the presence of beings who perceive that your torment satisfies something but they are on an addictive course, where they only want more and as you devolve, you have less. 

The colors you see are all muted and mixing, like when you were a child and you were painting and you forgot to clean your brushes. And the paint got all mixed you and the resulting color was a dirty dark colorless mess. Understanding the concept that everything in heaven is becoming one and forever expanding will help you picture the counter is happening in hell. Everything is joining but becoming less. There is a shrinking of the lesser than. Eternal torment continues forever yet it continues to shrink forever as well so the human cognizance, which could never withstand the intensity beyond time with no end, does not remain in the same state but decreases as God‟s goodness increases. 

Sometimes the colors are separate for a minute, but they are yet muted. Things meld and the combination is always less vibrant and less alive that it was before. You look to the left, there is a child molester whose bones are showing. His skin is almost gone, he is being prepared for a lower level. And you intuitively know the lower level has even more torment and torture to be endured. His choices hardened his heart to prepare him for the deeper levels of torment. It will take more to unwrap who he is and unwrapped he must be because God is just. 

You see the heavy sigh of the woman who put material possessions first in her life. You see the groan leave her lips as a sulfur colored utterance. You see her eyes, beyond regret, shift from hopelessness to rage. Something like consciousness and a flicker perhaps of her desire for change simmers into view then is discarded because faith has no room to grow and hope has no life to nourish it. 

You long for sleep and dreams but in this place all the dreams are bad and they are coming true. There is no longer the gift of a lucid will to effect change. You gave that gift away when you submitted your will to the power of darkness. 

Look and see the teenager, what he once was is no longer clear but the bully is now fully intimidated and it is not enough. This is not a battle where submission or surrender ends it. You have no power here and hatred must be fed. You are the food. You, who were created in the image of the most high God and were unconditionally loved by him are the object of hatred. Those being whose hearts no longer understand light see you as a target that claims they have had victory over God. Reason only exists in light. Darkened understanding has removed truth. Lies and deceit reign here. 

For me the sounds were the worst.

Screaming. Hissing.

Wailing.

A sound that actually makes you think of gnashing teeth. It is the sounds of feeding demons.

Shrill screeching.

Gleeful cackles.

Grunts of greed. 

I never realized how much worship is a part of creation until this experience of seeing it removed. The depths of bowels trying to be expressed but impossible without truth.

Slapping flesh sounds, watery fluid sounds and sucking sounds. Swallowing sounds.

Fluid is being removed sounds. Cracks and snaps and splintering sounds as things divide. Shuffles and competitive sounds as beings fight and bump into each other and become competitive in their torment. High pitched disharmonic sounds. Lower chords of dissonance. Popping. Buzzing. Intensity increasing to wails that crescendo and never end.

All the sounds that won‟t exist in heaven are captured here. Boasts. Triumphant umphs. New understandings of pain cries for release. Begging lots of begging. The laughter there is horrible. It is not about humor but rather it is about satisfied depravity. There seemed to be different levels. There is a combination of triumph and defeat that embodies deception. It is futility, the sounds that created dissonance on earth are loosed here to have their expression. Devolving changes the sounds. They become harder to distinguish as human. Language deteriorates like all else there. That‟s okay. Because without understanding there is no resolution. Things here cannot be understood. There is no more reconciliation. Reconciliation sounds of knitting, communion, and unity are gone. What remains are the sounds that rip tear and destroy.

Whatever you do don’t put your feet down.  Once there is a certain level of joining with what else is there, I am not sure you can go back. We were given special shoes to wear and told not to touch anything.