My primary redemptive gift is giver. Arthur helped me a lot in gaining the right actions so that the negative head of Leviathan could be quenched in my life and become food instead. At any given moment I am a part of a swirl that comes from before and moves into the future. Less and less of life is about consuming. More and more is about investing. I am not here to own stuff. I am here to steward during my time. This paradigm makes it very easy to see that the church in the western culture must undergo serious change. We cannot make a person be in the spotlight while others laze away. Each person in a group must be sparked and growing. If the one who has the most developed gifting is the center, that one will not be provoked to grow in their own areas of deficit. The Johnny Carson show was all about Johnny. That model is not good for the human heart.

So when it comes to giving, I love to give where I see Father’s hand. He is so much better than me at seeing the hearts involved.

But recently, he asked me to give into a group that does ministry. I have seen financial fiasco with this group. I have heard many complaints. I have been very hurt by the wounded financial posture here. And I asked-really?

He answered me this way. He showed me his son on the earth. Watching fishermen. That had not caught a thing. He saw their struggles. He filled their net. He fed them. I savor his goodness.

Then I see the same son, calling these fishermen. Training them. In ways they had not previously known. Fishing. Different bait, different catch. Enlarging their mind. Awakening their spirit. Gripping their hearts.

That, I identify with! I sing! Yes! I would much rather teach a person to fish than feed them God! I understand feeding needs be for a while. But then, let’s fish!

He gentles me. That is not the end, little one. A teaching moment approaches.

And I remember the day. The time he returns me to, time before and time after time. There, by the fire. After the fact. When the hearts have been revealed. The ugliness has been seen. And no model for reconciliation exists.

John 21. Peter is going back. Back to his old way. He doesn’t know how to re enter love. And Jesus. Sits by the fire. Cooking fish. The ordinary kind. To restore relationship. To make wrong things right. This is not about ministry. This is what love does. Love feeds the hungry. Love heals the sick. Love casts out fear, and doubt, and shame. This love.

And He says, give to the family, not the ministry. Give because they struggle in finding their way back. Give to the father, so he may feed his family. I work all things together for good. Give, and believe.

And here, is the peace. And the reason. And the hope. Not for what may be done for me. But what continues may continue in the faith of our living God. Selah.