Recently the Lord had me look at the toughest thing I had ever seen.
With the viewing came questions that I am yet pondering.
In the midst of the time, his mercy was to show me something that would stay with me and remind me of eternity.
It was a book. It is a book. It is also life. It belongs to the lamb.
In it are written all the names of those He created
When someone prays for another person it strengthens their name being embedded in the book. It is like going over something that is already written. Making is more visible.
Each person has permission, through their life, to choose their name to be in that book or to remove it.
The book is also the Lord. Being written into the book, in varying degrees, parallels my experience of being ‘in Him”.
The authority on the earth of the good to keep the name in the book is always stronger than the authority of evil to remove it.
Each person gets to choose. Their choice has more influence over their name remaining in the book than anything else. Things that are done to us, curses that are laid on us, bloodline issues, ownership rights, blessings, affirmations, prayers…everything that affects us affects the name in the book. Our full names are written. The name itself breathes the essence of the person it is associated with.
It seems like all the enemys plans were to take my name out of that book.
But what the enemy intended for evil, God turned for good.
I see the book and its change through the ages. As people are added and as people choose to be removed.
The book is the lamb. The book is the Bride. The book is the church. The book is life.
Choose today who you will serve.
This day I choose, life.
selah.

I am not sure how many children need to be trained the way I was.
Perhaps those who hurt me were concerned that I would give them away by being an emotional basket case.
I am sure that along the way I have had friends who perceived me as coldhearted because of it.
The area of my heart that would have developed the capacity to miss people was seared early on.
People were there then they were not. To miss them in any way was cause for severe punishment. There was training done as well, to test.
If I missed someone or had any emotional reaction to their departure, I failed the test.
As I see the Lord healing my heart in this area during the last season, I am realizing the reasons he did not heal it before.
I didn’t want him to.
To miss people is painful.
The pain takes away my breath and I gasp, unable to form a coherent thought while the wave engulfs me.
I weep.
There is no obvious good to be gained.
I weep again.
Nothing changes and I still miss.
Today was a breakthrough day for me.
I must have been ready to hear him and not reject what he said.
I was in the car, driving.
And seemingly out of nowhere, he said…
the reason I am restoring your ability to miss is because
I want you to share my heart in how I long for, and miss, my Bride.
He steals my breath in a different way than the pain.
I receive that what is hard is yet good.
I weep, but not without hope.
Every essence that has been transformed by love will remain, in part, through eternity.
There are times ahead when my heart will not miss anymore.
And I guess, while I am here, when I miss, I will share
the fellowship of the sufferings
that perfect me.