One of Gods favorite ways to bring correction and alignment to me is by reminding me of conversations, and then speaking to me about them.

I remember a lot of conversations almost word for word.

Recently I sat at a table with a friend having lunch. Another came, who has not pretended friendship to me in the past. She is friends with my friend, however. So she sat and wondered aloud what we were up to. It was supposed to be catching up, only it wasn’t how I perceive friendship. It was not a posture of- tell me what you havve been doing so I can rejoice with you about the ways of God. It was more like information gathering.

The topic of Burning Man came up. She asked my friend if my friend felt it was productive. The emphasis was on counting how many actual salvation prayers are prayed by sinners- that was what her mind needed to make the work legitimate. It was like if she could pull that out of my friend in a way she felt was approved, then her affirmation would be released.

I have stopped having those conversations. I am not willing to help you settle in your mind if what I do is legitimate evangelism.

I think the question should be more relational- is there fruit in me? Do you see the love of Jesus transforming me and changing me? If you do, then you can rest that I am transforming others. How would I withhold Jesus from another when he is the only one who saved me? Is it my discernment of another’s readiness that you distrust? Or is it that it does not look like what feels right to you when you interface with the lost? Is evangelism more important than love? Can evangelism have more than one expression? Is one more valuable than another? Does not all true love lead to conversion? Sigh. Anyways…

This particular conversation left me disappointed with the Bride. But look how God used it-

“You thought I would correct them”, he began. “you thought I would break their religious mindset and defend you. You expected me to show them that what you do is love and that I back it with my authority. And not only did I not correct them, but I also affirmed to them that I love them. And you are stuck, wondering, where does that leave you? If I affirm them, am I agreeing with their religion? Or are they not religious-is it you that has gone outside the fold and needs correcting? How can I affirm you both and not defend one or the other?”

Blam. Got me. True. It totally messes with me, God, that you let them ask their persecuting interrogatory questions and judge according to their mold. Especially when defending myself violates the very love you have called me to. Argh.

Muddling my way into the truths that I know. Again, my heart has judged God. Again, I meed to go low, declare what is true- to do justly (not judge God) to love mercy (even when that mercy is extended elsewhere and is used to build a case against me) and to walk humbly with my God (to trust that he will make wrong things right and perfect in each of us the work that he began because he is faithful, and his times are higher than mine.)

Repentance is coming. Tears accompany. Thy orchestra plays. Heaven sighs. I yield and am moved into alignment again. Selah