The last two weeks, more mornings than not, I have awoken at 5:55. His first words to me are, I have grace for you Tanya.

I feel his grace.

It is a lot different now than it was in the early days of inner healing. These days when something comes up I can still stay forward and engage in life. I just need moments to cry. And listen. And accept. And take it to communion with the Lord.

The tale of how I got plugged into time is becoming a saga. One of the inerts from the south side has been brought back to life. But rather than her merging into the two that are on the timeline, the Lord indicated I was to merge into her. I am in the body of a little girl. And experiencing life as her.

As long as I take time to cry every two days, it is hard but ok.

This morning I have been pondering trust. You taught me to trust while on my mother’s breast. I come out of the wilderness leaning on my beloved. Those who love me keep my commandments. I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her there. Would I learn trust except in the helpless place where unconditional love will either give me life or else I will die? Through his suffering he learned obedience. Isn’t all obedience that is truly through and through agreement and action- isn’t it all an expression of trust? Can I love without trust? Can I trust without love? Is it the same fabric of trust? Can I fully wholeheartedly obey without both? Is this the sum of my journey that will carry into the eternal? Are these the things that will transform me and ready me for when it is my turn to exit time?

The cloud is so close this morning. I feel the sways, the pushes, the thrusts, the groan. On different mornings, depending upon purpose I feel different parts of her at the forefront of her interface with earth. This morning I feel the power, the faith of generals that have gone before me. They will not stop. Nor relent. Until what hinders love has been finally removed. And the last enemy to be defeated is death. Nothing can separate me from his love.

Perhaps the better language is that trust is within love, and obedience is its evidence.

What a journey this is. And what a journey it is becoming. And what a journey it has been. Selah.