Fridays are my favorite days to bless during this season. I have several that receive blessings this day, and they are zealous to make the most of it, each in their own way. One emails me in the morning about how the last blessing landed. One shares how life has landed and helps me interpret the impact of the blessing. One weeps. Feeling spirits move and shift and be legitimized and get their healing and learn their authority is very rewarding for me. Once upon a time I dubbed the three course in me as Exploring the Human Spirit, Healing the Human Spirit, and The Authority if the Human Spirit. One of those came into a teachable course format. The other two I am living and learning in my life and the lives of others.

Sp it was a surprise yesterday, when one of my blessees asked about deliverance and Father gave the prompt to instruct during a time usually intended for blessing.

As I spoke I realized that a lot of Christians do not have good current teaching about deliverance. My focus is not deliverance but I am known in heaven for getting things out of the way that keep a person from a reconciled state with Yeshua. I have learned about deliverance through that context. I know how to rebuke a demon. My authority there is absolute. If I have wisdom I will find and remove the legal ground, usually negative emotion, that keeps it there. To me there is no sense in getting someone free so they can become captive right after I leave. Removing them is a joy- the person should only ever be the person Father thought about as he made them. Seeing people back to that blueprint is very rewarding.

I was listening to a song yesterday that sang, whether I sink, or whether I swim, it makes no difference when I am beautifully in over my head. It made me remember the Lord in Psalm 139- The night shines as the day. Darkness and light are both alike to you.

There is no failure in learning how to remove what is in the way between a parson and Most High God. There is only not yet and success. All of this will be removed by or during the end of time here. Learning to do it before time is exited is more fruitful. It is more fulfilling of the command to take dominion over the earth and subdue it. To be fruitful and multiply.

Other entities that get in the way are earthbound spirits and little g gods, spiritual beings that have a different level of authority (than demons)as it relates to time and to their interface with man. The earthbound spirits go by eviction. The gods go through presenting a case before the Lord, so the Lord can rebuke them.

It would easy to become heady with the authorities these understandings bring. So it is always a good plumbline to see if my joy that my name is written in the Lamb’s book of life is greater than the joy that he has given me the protocol to find spiritual freedom. Understanding these things is secondary. Any knowledge that removes my need for Yeshua is fallen. Each time of setting the ‘captives of the mighty’ free is different. I always need Him and His wisdom. Anytime I am invited to see the prey of the terrible set free, it is an empty gong if love is not what motivates me. The Lord will contend with those that contend with me, is a truth that manifests differently than my original interpretation, and He will save my children is not a fear based promise but a multiplying one.

I am remembering today Isaiah, 49:25. Surely he makes everything beautiful in its time.

I had a ring that I loved. It had broken, the gem had fallen out of the setting. I had put it away in a box, for the day that had time to include its repair. I lost the box.

There has been a prompting, a nudge from Yah, to find it. I have looked. Seven possible places yielded seven different disappointments.

I am not sure if it is the Hebrew that was learned through Suuqiina’s teaching, or if it is because my best friend is moving, or if it is just a different type of freedom I am experiencing this spring. But the way Yahweh comes is changing.

I was at the gym yesterday, on the treadmill. My headphones were in and on. The song lyrics were-

Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head

And he comes. He rests. I feel him placing his heavy covering over me. I am pretty sure they gym is changing because he is there.

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

And nothing has changed. But everything has changed. I always forget, when he has not come this way for awhile, how glorious and majestic and BIG he is! And I invite him into all times this way. I weep with his crashing over me. Surely I am in over my head. And surely I am farther from the shore than I have ever been. And there are experiences that are coming and I am utterly dependent on his keeping me because they are bigger than my discernment. But he is love. And he loves me so.

And of course, when I got home, he waited. Until I was in my office, seated and beginning a set of tasks. And ever so gently he said about the ring- have you looked in this drawer under this book.

His gentleness does not come as a response to my disappointments. But my disappointments are always changed by his response.

The ring is found. I am lost, over my head again. The knowledge that he knows, intimately, all the details of my life, make it safe for me to be so.

another song comes to mind- Long have I desired to be the place where you will dwell. Here oh Lord, have I prepared, a resting place. Here oh Lord, I wait for you alone.

I was working with someone this week. They were in a hard space. Their mother wanted to kill them, and their dad wanted nothing to do with them.

As I pondered how this pain would yield intimacy with our Lord, I saw.

While his biological mom has said, be it unto me according to your word, to the angel presenting her with the future of Him, she had questions. We know from the way she responded when he stayed behind to teach, as a teenager. She didn’t get Him.

But that was not a match for a mother that wanted him dead. The church, however, often shows up as a mother in dreams. And that mother definitely wanted Him dead. Here was a place where she could feel how He felt.

What about a father that didn’t want Him? We know Jesus’ brothers did not believe His divinity. Is that a match. Suddenly I thought of Simeon. I thought of His prophecy. He will be rejected by men, and through Him the hearts of many will be revealed. Yes, I can safely say that my gal being rejected by her father is a definite onramp into the life of our Lord, when he was rejected by man, after man, after man.

She wondered if anybody understood what it was like to be a bastard?

And I saw, he became one, in all ways possible, so that there would never be a bastard experiencing life that he had not experienced. I can imagine the brutality of the kids as He grew up. I can picture His recognition that the people He came to and called His own received Him not. I can picture the church wanting Him dead. I can see His brothers, trying to goad Him into doing miracles for their approval. I can see the sick, coming to get healed and wanting nothing but their healing, certainly not relationship with a man who was ‘too far out there’.

I feel the angst of it. He came to reconcile us back to Father. He left heaven for that. He experienced every pain we would ever know. And He laid down His physical life for our eternal ones.

The foxes have holes, and the birds have nests, but the Son of man has no place to lay his head.

Looked at from the lens of function, foxes reproduce in their holes. Birds reproduce in their nests. They do not live there. Jesus came to reproduce in His people, the reconciliation and love of His Father,

His own did not receive Him.

Jesus will you reproduce in me? I am willing to have you use me so that more of You is on the earth. I believe, help my unbelief. Selah.

The last two weeks, more mornings than not, I have awoken at 5:55. His first words to me are, I have grace for you Tanya.

I feel his grace.

It is a lot different now than it was in the early days of inner healing. These days when something comes up I can still stay forward and engage in life. I just need moments to cry. And listen. And accept. And take it to communion with the Lord.

The tale of how I got plugged into time is becoming a saga. One of the inerts from the south side has been brought back to life. But rather than her merging into the two that are on the timeline, the Lord indicated I was to merge into her. I am in the body of a little girl. And experiencing life as her.

As long as I take time to cry every two days, it is hard but ok.

This morning I have been pondering trust. You taught me to trust while on my mother’s breast. I come out of the wilderness leaning on my beloved. Those who love me keep my commandments. I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her there. Would I learn trust except in the helpless place where unconditional love will either give me life or else I will die? Through his suffering he learned obedience. Isn’t all obedience that is truly through and through agreement and action- isn’t it all an expression of trust? Can I love without trust? Can I trust without love? Is it the same fabric of trust? Can I fully wholeheartedly obey without both? Is this the sum of my journey that will carry into the eternal? Are these the things that will transform me and ready me for when it is my turn to exit time?

The cloud is so close this morning. I feel the sways, the pushes, the thrusts, the groan. On different mornings, depending upon purpose I feel different parts of her at the forefront of her interface with earth. This morning I feel the power, the faith of generals that have gone before me. They will not stop. Nor relent. Until what hinders love has been finally removed. And the last enemy to be defeated is death. Nothing can separate me from his love.

Perhaps the better language is that trust is within love, and obedience is its evidence.

What a journey this is. And what a journey it is becoming. And what a journey it has been. Selah.

One of Gods favorite ways to bring correction and alignment to me is by reminding me of conversations, and then speaking to me about them.

I remember a lot of conversations almost word for word.

Recently I sat at a table with a friend having lunch. Another came, who has not pretended friendship to me in the past. She is friends with my friend, however. So she sat and wondered aloud what we were up to. It was supposed to be catching up, only it wasn’t how I perceive friendship. It was not a posture of- tell me what you havve been doing so I can rejoice with you about the ways of God. It was more like information gathering.

The topic of Burning Man came up. She asked my friend if my friend felt it was productive. The emphasis was on counting how many actual salvation prayers are prayed by sinners- that was what her mind needed to make the work legitimate. It was like if she could pull that out of my friend in a way she felt was approved, then her affirmation would be released.

I have stopped having those conversations. I am not willing to help you settle in your mind if what I do is legitimate evangelism.

I think the question should be more relational- is there fruit in me? Do you see the love of Jesus transforming me and changing me? If you do, then you can rest that I am transforming others. How would I withhold Jesus from another when he is the only one who saved me? Is it my discernment of another’s readiness that you distrust? Or is it that it does not look like what feels right to you when you interface with the lost? Is evangelism more important than love? Can evangelism have more than one expression? Is one more valuable than another? Does not all true love lead to conversion? Sigh. Anyways…

This particular conversation left me disappointed with the Bride. But look how God used it-

“You thought I would correct them”, he began. “you thought I would break their religious mindset and defend you. You expected me to show them that what you do is love and that I back it with my authority. And not only did I not correct them, but I also affirmed to them that I love them. And you are stuck, wondering, where does that leave you? If I affirm them, am I agreeing with their religion? Or are they not religious-is it you that has gone outside the fold and needs correcting? How can I affirm you both and not defend one or the other?”

Blam. Got me. True. It totally messes with me, God, that you let them ask their persecuting interrogatory questions and judge according to their mold. Especially when defending myself violates the very love you have called me to. Argh.

Muddling my way into the truths that I know. Again, my heart has judged God. Again, I meed to go low, declare what is true- to do justly (not judge God) to love mercy (even when that mercy is extended elsewhere and is used to build a case against me) and to walk humbly with my God (to trust that he will make wrong things right and perfect in each of us the work that he began because he is faithful, and his times are higher than mine.)

Repentance is coming. Tears accompany. Thy orchestra plays. Heaven sighs. I yield and am moved into alignment again. Selah

There are times when words do not adequately convey the gratitude my heart knows; how then to help others into my world is a bit of a mystery.

Recently I taught on a Sunday morning. It was within a group that loves me. They would let me teach almost anything among them, as long as it stayed within the truth of God’s word.

I was a bit apprehensive about bringing my life message- because my life still seems uncommon among the bride. While a day may come when all that remain have endured extreme hardship, torture, pain and suffering, within America there are many who do not yet walk a path that contains those.

Obedience overrode uncertainty.

And when it was one I breathe. I can listen and hear the mistakes. But this is the message I was born to bring. And I am stunned at the fulfillment that brings. I was not looking for fulfillment. I was not even looking for understanding of that particular Psalm. But God.

He knew. He has done this full circle thing again. He suffered. He made reconciliation possible. He made me. He reconciled me back to God. And within that reconciliation this truth exists and has become one within Him and me. It is our shared point. Even though he has the far heavier weight of the truth of it, us having shared this point is a place of communion an oneness between us.

It almost feels like – how can I ever bring anything more true? How can I ever grow beyond this moment? And I want to jump on top of a roof and shout- Look what God has done! With God all things are possible! With my God I can scale any wall!

And as I pause and consider, ten years ago, twenty, thirty an forty, I am undone.

Let it not be said that we know all of God’s ways. Let it not be thought that we can out predict or imagine what he will do.

I am on my face. Thanking. Humble. Realizing that no one else can fully get what this message means to me. Except for him. Because he has walked with me all the way.

You can find the message here. http://www.northshorebridge.org/sites/default/files/podcast/tanya_dwyer_-_4-12-15.mp3

Blessed is the name of our Lord. Amen.

There are times when God takes me back to a previous experience for a different perspective.

I remember when Jim came to Chicago.
I remember the conversation about Billy Sunday at the Burrito House.
I remember the cry in my heart that went up- I want to carry you like that, God!

I remember Jim beginning his evening session; I remember not hearing him. Because the Lord wanted to talk. Matthew, 17:15, he said. I went. And read about the man. He had a son. The son had seizures. He threw himself into the fire, and into the water. The disciples had prayed to no avail. The man had come to the Lord.

He paused me in my reading.
I knew the condition of the boy, Tanya.

I continued on. If you know the story then you will remember the disciples wanted to know why they could not heal the boy- and the Lord’s response to them about unbelief.
I paused. In light of my earlier cry, to carry God, I responded to this text by asking the Lord to root out of me my unbelief. Clearly he was saying this was an obstruction to my request.

He directed me then, to the beginning of Matt 17. He asked me to read from the beginning of the chapter. I read of the transfiguration. I marveled at the light. I felt the glory in Father’s voice as He affirmed His Son.
And the Lord paused again.

I knew the condition of the boy then, also Tanya.

I felt within me the rise of ‘but…’. I realized I was measuring, with my own humanity, on God’s decision and order. I was picturing and identifying with the father of the boy, the agony, the desperation, the pain. Surely, I reasoned, that must matter more than Jesus, who knew who he was, being affirmed from heaven.

And I felt, like an intense pressure, the Lord’s fingerprint upon my heart.
There is your unbelief, he said. Anytime you usurp my order with your reason in your heart, you stop believing in the perfection of my order.

I was stunned. And repentant. And face to face with my failing. I wept.

But the part of this experience he emphasized last night was what happened the following day. I was driving the long drive home and he opened the window of Matt 17 between us. And he spoke. You really do not understand the importance of a father legitimizing his son, do you?

I didn’t. I still don’t in fulness. But today I am reminded that he knows. And He knew about the fathering group. And He knew about Marvin s vision. And He knows what is to come. And He is teaching me what I do not know. As He knew He would, before time began. I rest in the growing experience of his sovereignty. He is always on time. And His order is perfect. Selah.

I remember Reuben.
It was my first year as a part of the burning man team. I had been invited to go with a group that did readings, cleansing, interpretations, heart tranforms, etc. At first I thought it would not be fun. Creator did not listen but saw what was best for me, in his parenting way, he got me onboard.
When I was little, I was instructed by my family. In addition to being the keeper of secrets, I was to grow up, be a trainer of the way, then lay down my life so that my blood could further the line in power and anointing.
Yeah, it was a bad childhood.
There in the desert, I learned there was an altar at a structure they call the temple. The temple is where people go to leave what they can no longer carry. It burns at the end of the week. Cathartic, for a year. So when Creator said to me, I want you to go to the altar, and I want you to lie upon it, you can imagine my response. Initially, anyway. Creator fathered me through to more grace.
Wednesday of the week I woke up, knowing it was the day.
We worked in the tent until the sun finished. Then we were on our own. I took a buddy with me out to the deep playa where the temple stood. On our approach, I intuitively knew what to do at each boundary line. One was for lineage, if you do not know who you are there is permission for stuff once you cross the border that you may or may not like.
I know who I am. At least my spirit does and I noted how the recitation was in a different language.
The second perimeter line is the one where you state who you are with. If your leaders are recognized by the inner community there is an allowance for you to be there that does not exist if your group is unknown. More test is required with the latter.
There was the temple. And before it, the altar. The altar this year had stairs of ascension behind it. The area surrounding the altar had wood roundtables dedicated to faiths. I headed for the main event to get this act of lying upon the altar done. And stopped. I saw a man that I knew to be a Satanist. I do not know how I knew. But I knew, and he waited, sitting upon the altar. He saw me. I watched him listen to his guides as I frantically tried to connect with God’s Spirit.
‘I would be happy to do this Lord. Move him and I will go.’
Thinking I had prayed the right prayer, I moseyed over to examine the round wood tables more closely. My friend was busy looking at other things on the other side of the structure.
After a decent interval, with my friend still not visible, I headed back towards the altar. He was gone. I got closer. Oh no! He had climbed. He was sitting on the third step, the highest step on the ascension steps behind the altar.
Lord?
“I never do anything without a witness. Go quickly and do what you must do now.”
I felt his grace and power. I climbed awkwardly on top of the altar. Once there, I lay on my back. And the sobs began. And I realized I was there to repent, for the acts of atrocity. That I am so intimately familiar with, I cried out for mercy to those who sinned such. The sobs wracked my body. What I uttered surely came from heaven and was expressed back to heaven through me.
And all the while, the man watched. As a witness.
The Lord spoke as the sobs lessened. When you were a child, you spoke as a child, you understood as a child, you thought as a child; compared to me, little one, Satanism is a childish thing.
What seemed like a long time passed. I got up. He was gone. And around the corner came my friend. I was done. We explored a little more, and then headed back to camp. I explained to a leader in brief words, what God had asked of me, and how I responded. It felt within protocol, but submitting to leaders is wise. He was fine with it.
I felt like the altar had been my divine appointment, the most important I would have that year.
But the next day in the tent, Reuben came.
Our leader had met Reuben in center camp. He was doing readings there. Our leader had invited him to come check us out. And he came. The leader came up to me as my team got ready for another encounter. He said, I got one for you, in my ear. He went back up to the front, got Reuben and brought him to sit with us. Reuben sat. I saw him peering into me. He was using his gift. He smiled and said, what do you have for me? I knew we were being tested. I looked beyond his eyes. I saw little lights with little question marks behind every one. I knew what I saw. The lights were the things he had explored. The question marks were the things that were unanswered by the exploration. I shared with him that I saw a big question in his center. I asked if I could invite White Light to come and answer that question. He said yes, and the fun began. The more he yielded the more he received from God. God came in power for Reuben. He shaked, he shuddered, he quaked, he bent, he moaned. He cried. He gasped. He changed. The leader came over at one point to tell things unclean to go. He dodged as they left with violent force. It was a conversion as in the days of old. The power of God went as deep as Reuben wanted and he had wanted for so long. The moment came when Reuben needed better language, and our leader explained he was experiencing King Jesus. I remember as Reuben left that day, transformed, that he declared he was going to go to the temple and tell everyone what King Jesus had done for him! It was straight out of the book of Acts. The leader looked at me then, and said, this was why you got on the altar. And I knew. God’s ways, impossible to predict and as impossible to deny. Reuben spent a lot of that week with us.

She was so busy trying to make sure I knew how important she was, that she never really answered how she was doing, only what she was doing.

She was so concerned with me knowing she had more influence and value that her first sentences were intent on proving that the world valued her and wanted her in ways I will never know the world valuing or wanting me. She spent our time speaking of herself, her awakening, her new open doors.

It was easy to listen. I was grieving. My mom had passed two days before.

It is easy to remember the dishonor that comes my way sometimes. It is easy for the brains of some to minimize the invisible experiences. It is easy for some to devalue the internal work I specialize in; they perceive my authority as a threat or me as someone they rise to impress. I remember the way the Lord solved that for me. I remember how he beckoned me on the day my heart broke. I remember his mention of how he too, was dishonored by men who thought their titles and their offers mattered more than his anonymity. As I was able to partake a small bit of what that was like for Him, my King, my focus on my own pain shifted, and the pain became an onramp into sharing his life more intimately. I bless Him in solving this that way for others. I can wait; He does.

That day in my office, when honor came from heaven, rises in memory. I knew he was there. He passed the test I give to spirits. He was not angelic; he was cloud. He had the ribbon/medal. I remember him explaining it to me. I remember knowing the Lord had wiped away the grief he felt when he realized he could have had much more healing on earth. I remember marveling that the Lord had showed him what he could have had, and the Lord’s wisdom and justice that he now got to give what would have been his to someone yet on the earth who was doing their work- working out their salvation with fear and trembling. I remember the honor when he chose me. Heaven honored me. Heaven gave me something of high value because they see me and know the cost. I remember the tears streaming down my face.

If God is for me, who can be against me? And if heaven honors me, how can it matter that man does not?

I think of how that experience also changed who comes to me for ministry.

Today I savor. The ways of God. His beautiful way of leading me. And Him, restoring my soul.

He weeps with my heart now.
His pride is a sacrifice in the incense of the holy place.
What you sacrifice once you always get to give.
It is the remnant that reveals what he rescued you from; it becomes beautiful because it now serves to reveal the depth from which he redeems.
Everything in heaven is changed by the cross.
The politics are settled.
The worries are done.
What he learned about stray thoughts here on earth is being magnified in heaven. The more you look, the larger it gets, in a way both unexpected and wonderful.
And it is never because of the deeds or focus of a man. But the deeds and focus of God within a man is what remains. Surely the grass withers; the flowers fade, and He who is the Word, became flesh and dwelt among us will stand forever.
The record, or testimony becomes a trail that leads to the throne. Heaven’s overlay is upon the things of earth for those who have eyes to see. The overlay carries the certainty. The earth is time to trust. When the certainty comes, the need for making sense loses its significance.
The idea that anything does not make sense is ludicrous when the old has passed away.

Fix your eyes. Let the revelation change you.
The hunger for understanding, the words and the intent, was hunger for God’s love.
The son goes farther than the father- this is not a challenge but a blessing.
Interpretations mature with heaven’s perspective.
How it seemed loses strength as the sun of a new day dawns and the truth of what is and what shall be molds over what was.
Hope without knowing what is hoped for, becomes faith in its remains.
He was led in the way that was right for him.
He was taught respect to prepare him for love.
He was affirmed.
He received.
He was ready.
And now.
He has permission to be a little boy and play.
He is known already for his zeal.
The appetite remains and the focus has changed.
Seeing through the eyes of heaven has created a cry for justice on the earth. Not just for the actions of others, but also for his own. Teachers everywhere will receive a new sound.
The fear of regret no longer blinds, when all condemnation and any possibility of it is removed for the last time.
Forgive what God has forgiven. Receive then, freely, what is released.
Pressed down, shaken together, running over.
The old has passed. The new must come.
Know the redemption! The measure of the wound is proportionate to the revelation needed for healing! Were you wounded? Aha! Then you get more of the cross!
The joy remains, as do the names in the wailing wall of my beloved.
Multiplication comes alongside forgiveness and gratitude.
Recognize the yearning to be great. We all have it. harness it under the cross. Let the blood that removes our name being associated with sin have its perfect work in also removing our names from the place where the glory belongs to the Lord.
From heaven, the view is that the night was divided from the day. And God said it was good.
The ode that remains is the one that furthers the testimony of Jesus upon the earth.
Selah.